November 3, 2014
Today was what you would call a terrible day, to put in gently. But it didn't start that way. It actually started relatively wonderful.
During my first period class, the Holy Ghost prompted me to talk with a kid in my class whom I had noticed had gotten a little sad over the past week. I acted on the prompting immediately. The conversation started with a simple, "Hey Matt, how's it going?". Attempting to cheer him up, I tried to talk about things that would spark his interest. We talked about videography (a career we both want to pursue) which then led to college. The spirit then prompted me to switch the conversation and share with him a conversation I had the previous night with Levi (my older sister Sarah's fiance).
I shared with Matt how important it is to act on spiritual promptings (ironically enough) and to 'fight the natural man'. Levi said something the night before that changed my knowledge on the natural man. He said, "We are spiritual beings having a mortal experience." Before he shared this with me, I thought of the natural man as a constant battle we faced daily. I viewed the natural man as lazy and selfish. But now I think almost the opposite. I do not think it is in our nature to be selfish and slothful. I believe in our hearts that we want to do good continually and bring joy to others. It is satan's influence that causes us to be just the opposite, lazy and conceded, not the natural man. Alma 22: 12 states, "God created man after his own image", God isn't selfish or lazy, He is kind and caring. As His children, we are the same. (This scripture may also be found in Genesis 1: 27)
I noticed an immediate change in Matthew. We was happy and more of himself again. I was very thankful God allowed me to serve and bring joy to even one person. So then how was my day so terrible? Well, it was all because I listened to that stupid, little, negative, voice inside my head. This year I was called onto Seminary Council. We have meetings every Monday. Usually these meeting make me super happy and spiritually uplifted. Today was different.
I arrived to the meeting a few minutes late. Yikes! I cannot stand being late! It's so disrespectful and dumb! Oh man, I just hate it. So I tried to forget about my careless mistake, and feel the spirit in our meeting. As we went around the room sharing experiences we had during the week that brought us closer to our Savior. I began to feel very insignificant. These kids are amazing! I mean for goodness sakes they could all be the next prophets and general young woman's leaders of the church! They are incredible. And I'm just..eh. Slowly I felt lower and lower about myself. Did I even belong on seminary council? I've made countless mistakes and all these kids are perfect!
I wish I could say I left the meeting with a better attitude than when it began, but sadly I did not. I allowed satan and self-doubt to bring me down.
Still hopeful and optimistic, I sprinted to my computer to write my dearest friend Elder Caleb Clark (I'll share more about him another day), as soon as I got home. I was ecstatic to do something good for someone else so I could be happy again and forget about myself! Caleb's letter the week before was really hard for me. He shared of his trial of learning a new language and having to learn to rely on faith in God to help him. It is frustrating for me to not be able to help someone to my best abilities. I mean it's not like I can text him or call him or be there for him anything like that! I have to simply email, an ancient art really, once a week! And it's hard waiting an entire week to hear from your best friend! There's so many things you want to say but have to sum it up so they don't spend their entire P-day reading one email! Geez. You could say Missionary Monday is my new favorite day of the week.
All week I prayed and prayed and prayed Heavenly Father would help me know what to say so that Caleb would not feel so isolated and down on himself. Caleb was always there for me when I needed comfort, so by golly, I am sure going to be there for him when he needs me.
Before I began the email, I opened with a prayer. The Spirit started to help me know what to say, which was a tremendous blessing. Not realizing what time it was, I panicked when I saw the clock said 4:20 by the time I finished!! Caleb gets on his email from roughly between 4-4:30ish. Ahhh! If I hadn't stayed for so long at the seminary council meeting to help clean up, I wouldn't be in the situation I am now! What if he doesn't get my email in time and thinks I moved to Ohio to join a band of gypsies and have forgotten all about him?! He has a lot of people to email and is a busy missionary! How could this be happening?!
4:30 rolled by...no email. 5:00 rolled by...no email. 5:15 rolled by...no email. 5:30 rolled by...still no email. To cut it short, I did not receive an email today. Which made my already great day even better. I was heart broken. How could God let this happen? Why couldn't he stay on for just 5 more minutes? Was I being a little dramatic? Yes. But Caleb's emails are the only way I get to talk to him personally. Just me and him. I was crushed. For goodness sakes my mom and my twin sister Kiersten even got a personal email from Caleb! I was in a melancholy mood to say the least.
I went back up to room to wallow in self pity. I was so mad and disappointed. After pondering for a while, I realized the only person I was thinking about was myself. I was angry and was being over-dramatic. Perhaps there was a lesson God needed me to learn.
I glanced over at my camera and remembered a photo I had taken yesterday of the glorious sunset. I looked at the picture again. I then remember that God has a purpose for everything. We may not understand why certain things happen, but all things are for our good. If we look for His hand, we will find it. It may be in a sunset or in an answer to prayer or a spiritual prompting, He is always there.
Although things didn't quite turn out the way I wanted them to, there was still good to be had and people who needed my light. Don't let the trials of today dictate the marvelous miracles of tomorrow. "Lift up your head and be of good cheer, for behold, the time is at hand" (3 Nephi 1:13).
The picture turned out pretty good if I do say so myself.
No comments:
Post a Comment